Pacific Rim Review

“Robots punch monsters” is what I mostly hear whenever Pacific Rim is brought up. This phrase is mostly uttered when you ask two things; “What’s the movie about?” or “Why should I watch this movie?” I’m not entirely convinced to watch a film if the premise can be summed up in those three words exactly. It sounds like something I would rather be re-enacting in a videogame, with my collection of action figures (uh, I mean collectable figurines), or in a monster costume during a visit to Legoland. “But no!” they say, “It’s not just that, it’s directed by Guillermo del Toro!” But really, are robots punching monsters why you watched his last movies? Since his last movies that I can recall had vampires shooting super vampires and a red monster punching golden wind up toys. Now that I’ve typed that out I guess I can say that “robots punching monsters directed by Guillermo del Toro” is enough to completely convince me.

Besides the premise, many conversations about Pacific Rim are mostly about how absurd the whole idea of fighting giant monsters with giant robots is. Not to mention that it totally defies the laws of physics. Before and during the film, ideas kept going through my head. If real monsters did show up, fighting them with giant robots is really inefficient. Why not just make a giant spikey wall with legs and run into the giant Godzilla re-enactment. Or why not get that plasma rifle on the Gipsy Danger’s arm and put in on wheels so it can be mobile. Or better yet, if you want to keep the fisting, why not just get its arm, glue some rockets and wings on it to fly, and why not put some explosives in there to give it some extra punch.

But if you can get past the absurdity of the idea all together, how does the robots punching monsters hold up? Well, really good actually. They put in the right amount of fights, the time in between fights is evenly distributed for some great pacing, little touches here and there make the fights interesting and don’t feel like they drag on or get repetitive, and they really know how to make the fights look like it could go either way. At first, they introduce the weaker enemies with basic moves, then bring in different enemy types with different abilities, finally at the end bringing in the biggest and baddest of the boss fights. Kind of like a videogame.

I can see the appeal of those old Japanese Godzilla movies. A movie introduces a monster, gives them abilities, and maybe some personality besides roar, grr, smash. The next few movies have a monster battle another monster from another movie and you root for your favorite. It’s kind of like wrestling without all the sweaty men grabbing each other. Well, actually there are sweaty men but their covered in cheap costumes. I don’t see the same appeal in Pacific Rim though. Mostly because you don’t know in advance who all the robots and monsters are.  Sure they characterize the crap out of the robots but not enough for the monsters. Then again they can’t do what they did for the old Japanese monster movies since making a big budget movie to characterize each monster and robot would cost the equivalent to making a real 50-story fighting robot.

Disregarding the monsters being punched by robots, how well does the movie hold up. Well, not that great. I probably would say this is the weakest of all the recent Guillermo del Toro films. I found myself more interested in the set design and the background visuals then the actual robot fights. This is what find compelling about Guillermo del Toro in his previous films. The set designs, the creature costumes, the visuals etc. This isn’t put to good use on giant robots and monsters sadly and as stated before are better in the background visuals.

The cast is mostly forgettable with the exception of Charlie Day, Ron Pearlman, that dude from Prometheus, and that other scientist guy. Mako Mori (which sounds like a name I would make up if you asked me on the spot to make up a fake Japanese name) and the rest of the international cast of robot pilots all have strange visual designs to them and strong accents which just screams “I am from another country! Look at me and know I am not American” They seem like they would be better suited wearing the rings of Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, Heart! GOOOO PLANET!

My biggest gripe with the movie is just how formulaic it is. I don’t have a problem with the formula it uses that has been used in many stories in the past. As I have seen some really good movies that are totally formulaic. The problem I have is with the ending. It’s not a good or bad ending, it’s an okay ending. It’s just that it has basically the same ending as many of the big budget movies that have released in the past few years. I’m not gonna mention here which one, because I’ll spoil it, but you’ve at least seen one of them and the two I can say off the top of my head I know you’ve seen. YES YOU! I know “you’ve” seen it!

SPOILER ALERT:

The ending has a metal man going through a portal to detonate a nuclear bomb to close said portal. It looks like he’s not gonna make it out but does. Someone believes he’s not gonna live cause he’s not breathing. Cue sad faces and silence, then something mildly funny happens and it turns out he’s okay. Hmm, where have I seen this before? Not to mention Transformers 3 also had an ending where they had to close a portal. Is it now a rule to have them in at least once a year in a big budget movie?

SPOILER END

If you noticed I didn’t call them Jaeger or Kaiju at all in my previous paragraphs. I was actually surprised that the movie barely calls them that either. Instead they call them either by their type like category 4 for the monsters and Mark 3 for the robots. Or they call them by their nicknames like Gipsy Danger or Knifehead. I was expecting to get sick of the words Kaiju and Jaeger by the end of the movie but I wasn’t. I’m glad they didn’t force the term unlike all the people on the Internet who obnoxiously started calling any kind of giant monster: Kaiju and any kind of giant robot: Jaeger.

If you’re a fan of Guillermo del Toro, monster movies, or action movies in general I recommend this movie. Sure the movie may sound dumb but it is a well-directed movie with some great action scenes that, even given its premise, isn’t over the top like say Man of Steel. By far not the best action film of the summer, that goes to Ironman 3. If you want a good action film to distract you from the flood of comic book adaptations or all the action-moviestar mid-life crises disguised as 80’s action movie homage, then Pacific Rim is a good bet.

Also, if you were disappointed with the action scenes in all the Transformer movies, just hold up pictures of Optimus Prime and Megatron’s faces when the fight scenes come on and you can call it the best Transformers movie ever.

My Little Pony Equestria Girls Review

Hasbro has reliably made a fortune from the people born in the 1980’s and 1990’s. I can’t wait thirty years down the line when they release the Megatron hearing aid, Littlest Pet Shop adult diapers, and GI Joe’s Guide to Recovering from Gulf War Syndrome.  From the recent years they’ve made mad money from this demographic by releasing a series of big budget movies, which have reliably been providing Internet movie critics something to rag on while they stay at home not looking for a real job. Although they didn’t expect this same demographic to be so enamored with a property that was supposed to suck money from their pockets by way of their female offspring. Hasbro seems kind of perplexed by this and don’t seem too delighted by the fact that man children are shoving money down their throats. Sure they’ll still take your money but they won’t give you a smile while they write down your credit card details.

So okay little girls of the world here’s a movie for you, which that fourteen year old boy at your school is probably more excited about than you are and who’s already got ideas for his next pony fan art submissions to deviantart.

I know this review sounds harsh towards Bronies, the group of males who worship this cartoon series more than Jesus Christ on Easter, but I am not ashamed to say that I too am a Brony. Although I am ashamed of this review because I have to watch My Little Pony Equestria Girls, a movie about a magical pony princess travelling into the human world to become a purple skinned Bratz doll re-enacting High School Musical. As a Brony myself, I’m a little peeved that this is the first thing Twilght Sparkle does after becoming a Princess. I was expecting her to have the peasants build a giant statue of Starswirl, pass a law that would sentence the death penalty to people who don’t read books, or give birth to a baby which the press will report on rather than the 500 prisoners who escaped from Abu Ghraib.

I hate the school setting it’s gone for. If you notice that the majority of good cartoons aren’t set in school. If they have kids who go to school then the show is mostly set during summer vacation, see Ben 10 and Phineas and Ferb. As an adult I’m so pass the point where I care about a bunch of snot nosed kids getting through high school. I’m much more interested in colourful ponies learning that friendship is magic.

So the movie starts out with her attending her first Princess summit all the while complaining that she isn’t used to her brand new wings. Well, now that you’re a princess, Twilight, you’ll have even less use for those wings considering you can have yourself pulled around a chariot all day. While going there she brings along with her her crown and it inevitably gets stolen. I bet no one saw that coming. Normally I would think, “what’s the big deal? It’s just some jewelry” But no, Twilight’s crown is one piece of the deus ex machina that they pull out of their asses when a big meanie shows up. You’d think she would be smarter to not bring it along in case she loses it, gets stolen, or a peasant coughs on it. Which makes me wonder, why is Twilight so special that she gets to carry around such a valuable artifact of power. You don’t see the big cheese that is Princess Celestia carrying around the Ark of the Covenant on her back. Even Princess Celestia was smart enough to keep it hidden for a thousand years. So to get the crown back, instead of maybe sending their bravest and most skillful warrior, they send Twilight Sparkle who ends up turning into a weak teenaged girl when she emerges on the other side of the portal.

Did I really say that this movie was rip-off of high school musical? After watching it fully, I’ve found that it rips its own TV series off. The plot is mostly a retelling of the first two episodes of Friendship is Magic, right down to Twilight befriending all her pony friends and even defeating the powerful villain with the groantastic magic of friendship. But instead of it taking place in a mystical world of dragons and sorcery, it takes place in the last place anyone would want to be, an American public high school. They even keep all the pony names of the human versions which is I guess they did not to confuse the drooling little girls, who are the target audience, but if they gave an explanation like it’s their nicknames would have been enough. Although that would kill the pacing if every character would introduce their names and their nicknames.

As a fish out of water movie, I found this movie kind of enjoyable if it wasn’t for all the tropes you see in all dumb high school movies. One of the ones I found the most infuriating is that Twilight gets a crush on one of the boys in the school. Ahh, the forced romance. Which made me remember that scene in Planet of the Apes when Charlton Heston asked if he could kiss one of the female apes but she replied “Ok, but your so damned ugly.” Wouldn’t Twilight be repulsed by his tiny muzzle and his lack of horse *&%#$? From the way she meets the pony version of this guy in the end of the movie makes me kind of hate season 4 prematurely.

Equestria Girls is the first theatrical movie to come out from the Friendship is Magic TV show and it feels like wasted potential. There was potential to make a more “epic” movie story. Heck, even the old 1986 movie had a more movie appropriate plot. In conclusion, you should give this movie a pass but if you’re a parent with an excitable young girl, you’re a brony, or you’re someone with a brony friend that’s trying to get you to see it then you’ve probably already seen it. If you’re not in any of those categories you’re probably indifferent to it and couldn’t care less but I’m surprised you’ve read this review this far. My opinion really won’t matter because you would have already made up your mind if you’re going to see this movie or not. So go ahead and watch/not watch this movie. I’ll be in the corner waiting for Pacific Rim to release.

Akira (1988) Review

Just watched a movie I haven’t watched in over a decade. That movie was Akira which I have to say is just as good as I remember. Heck, just to make it more nostalgic I watched the old English dub where “Leonardo” does the voice of Kaneda. It brought up alot of memories, like in some scenes I shout “KANEDA!” or “TETSUO!” and cringe at the part where Kaori gets smashed in Tetsuo’s fat rolls.

One thing I didn’t remember so well is that the animation is absolutely superb. Animation that would shame most animators back to school so they could try to draw on pencil and paper and then on cells. I especially like how the mouths are actually animated to the words they are saying, if your watching the Japanese dub, rather then mouths flapping up and down like they were doing their best impression of a marionette doll. There are many instances where they could have gotten away with not animating some sequences like a hover bike exploding in the background. But instead they show off the bike scrapping on to the pavement and eventually exploding into a million pieces. And the wind effects and water effects would put many modern day CGI special effects to shame.

I’m normally repelled by most Japanese anime. Many people tell me that, unlike many American animations, Japanese animations are more catered to adult audiences because they have more complex storylines but in my experience I’ve found most of these to be more convoluted and boring. But the thing I like about Akira is that it does have a complex story without it having to have bore you to death with long dialogues of exposition and pointless scenes. Another thing I like is that it also doesn’t explain too much, leaving some questions better off explained by the audience’s imagination. If you want a good example of revealing too much of something to the detriment of a movie’s lore just look up the word “Midi-chlorians”

I also like that many of the weird visuals actually make sense unlike many media where it’s just done for weirdness’ sake. Many of the creepy weird visuals are actually connected to the plot and add to the story rather than it being a non-sequitur. It has more of a sense of, yeah we definitely meant to have that scene where the guy gets attacked by demonic toys.

Well enough of me continually bathing this movie in praise cause I do have some complaints.

One main plot point is that the revolutionary group wants to rescue the psychics in the movie but they never never fully explain why they want them free. Do they want to free them so the military doesn’t have super weapons, because they feel that they are being mistreated like test animals, do they want to keep them for pets, or are they recruiting for the circus? All they mention is that Neo Tokyo is some sort of germinating seed and somehow Akira will fix it. I dunno, I guess that’s one of the things I have to read the book for or just read a plot synopsis on wikipedia.

Secondly, the pacing is all over the place. You’ve got a short burst of action followed by short slow paced peaceful scene then again an unexpected “what the heck is going on i think I’m going nuts” scene. Rather than feeling like a good roller coaster ride it’s more like driving a smooth road with a giant rock every 100 feet.

After watching it again I can see why this movie is considered a classic. This movie outclasses or is equal to many animations done by Studio Ghibli, Disney, Pixar etc. Probably the only other movie that I’m more impressed by the animation is Fantasia. I normally avoid Japanese anime like the plague but this movie strikes so many chords with me that it’s among the few anime I actually watch. So take this as a recommendation that even if you don’t like anime, Akira is a must watch.